I didn’t want a tree this year. I’ve been telling my mother since October I didn’t plan to put up a Christmas tree this year. For the first time in 21 years, my daughter won’t be with me for the holidays. My husband won’t be here for the holidays. This entire year has sucked big time. And I now have to scurry to renew my driver’s licence, because I lost track of when it expires.
I have a tree. When I took Mom to get hers, she got one for me like she has been for the last ten years, as part of my birthday/Christmas gift. Problem: my tree stand is too large and the one from her little tree last year is too small. So, I have to look at my stand again. It works, I just need to take a deep breath and stop letting my decorating issues get to me.
I don’t have money for presents. Like I said, I need to renew the DL (65$), I have to pay the bills, (thank all the powers that be and my mother that I don’t have rent to worry about), keep gas in the car (which also needs antifreeze, wiper fluid, and probably other shit as well).
I am not hanging stockings this year. All they’d do is remind me my husband and daughter aren’t here. As if I needed any reminders. The house is empty and quiet… except for the mice…. and the fact I can usually hear Mom’s TV from down here. I can’t sit and watch specials with her, because to me, she keeps the volume too loud.