Yeah, everyone gets the blues now and then. Most of us have methods of coping that get us back on the “right” track before long and with minimal side affects.
But what about those times when the depression threatens to swamp you? When you can’t figure out which way is up? When you want to scream and cry and rant and rave and through shit, or punch shit.. but you can’t because that would upset other people? When you want to run away for a while, but you can’t do that either, because you have commitments, no money, nowhere to go? What do you do when you know how to fix part of the problem, but you don’t do it because you’re at the point you just don’t give a damn anymore? Or, you do care, but you just don’t have the energy to make changes or do shit, or run the risk of fighting with someone over shit?
It seems to me there is sometimes a thin line between depression and anger…or at least a lot of common ground, like disappointment and a sense of failure. If I try to start cleaning things up, I am caught in the grip of an urge to chuck EVERYTHING, whether it is mine, the Kidling’s or Hubbs’s shit.
I suppose I could have said something at the doctor’s off ice the other day, but I do NOT want to end up on more medications. I hate having to take the crap I am already on. I honestly don’t see where adding more man-made chemicals to my system is going to do me any good.
Someone gift me with a few cartons of Misty Menthol 120s, a case of Coke Classic, string cheese, and bills paid from now until New Years, and let me just curl up in a corner with the computer, a few good books, notebooks, pens, and maybe a sketch pad (Yeah, I can’t draw for shit….) I feel old and tired and disoriented and a failure.