Addiction

I sometimes think everyone on the planet has some form of addiction. They aren’t all harmful, but they are all hard to escape, and impact day to day life. Strike non-harmful… addictions can mess up relationships even if they don’t threaten your physical health.

I have addictions. They aren’t as bad as some, but they definitely affect my health, relationships, and day-to-day life. It isn’t cocaine, heroin, marijuana, alcohol or prescription pills, so I am not breaking any laws. My addictions still adversely affect my health, my relationships, and my wallet.

I am addicted to nicotine and caffeine: Smokes and cola. And it can get pretty ugly around here when I am jonesing for either, although I can get the caffeine from coffee or black tea in a pinch. If I don’t have caffeine,  i can get wicked migraines, a short(er) temper, and sometimes all I want to do is sleep. Without the nicotine, I can get downright nasty. I have no patience, I become totally anti-social,  I may explode in a rant over the slightest thing, and throw a tantrum to make a spoiled toddler take note.  Instead of looking at the good in my life, I hate myself and everything about my existence.  (I feel I shouldn’t have ever gotten married or had a child; I shouldn’t have stayed in this state when I finished college; I shouldn’t have bothered with college because it was a total waste of money; I should have walked away from life in my teens, because I am worthless… sure some of you know the litany)  When that happens, my daughter tends to bear the brunt of it. Sometimes, she deserves SOME of it, but never all. It doesn’t help that her father isn’t around to be the buffer.

To be honest, there are days I DON’T need to smoke. If I am busy with things requiring physical activity, unstressed, caught up with other things, I can usually forget about lighting up. I don’t usually even take a pack of cigarettes with me when I hit the malls with the Kidling or Mom.  Too bad my other addiction makes it too easy to dwell on the nicotine lack. Not the caffeine… the internet. It can be an awesome tool, but it is ALSO a dangerous addiction.

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About Mad Annie, Bronwyn, Ann

I am a wife.mother, writer, cashier (hey, it helps pay the bills), Pagan who sometimes thinks too much. A jackie of all trades and mistress of none
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